As parents, it can be difficult to watch our daughters experience stress, frustration, or struggle. Our instinct is often to protect them from discomfort and help make things easier. But research increasingly suggests that challenge plays an important role in growth.
One idea we explore with students is that stress is not always something to avoid. While too much stress can become overwhelming, too little can leave us disengaged and unmotivated. Learning to navigate manageable levels of challenge helps build confidence, resilience, and the ability to take on meaningful goals.
In her book, The Upside of Stress, psychologist Kelly McGonigal shares research suggesting that the healthiest approach to stress is not necessarily to eliminate it, but to rethink it. She writes that embracing stress can help people feel more capable and empowered in the face of challenges.
"Embracing stress can make you feel more empowered in the face of challenges" - Kelly McGonigal
This idea is often illustrated through the stress-performance curve (adapted from the Yerkes-Dodson model), which shows that performance tends to be strongest when challenge is balanced, not absent. Whether preparing for exams, learning a difficult skill, navigating friendships, or taking on new responsibilities, growth often happens when students are stretched just beyond what feels comfortable.
At Chaviva, this idea is central to how we think about education. Our goal is not to remove every obstacle so students can succeed more easily. Our goal is to help students develop the confidence, skills, and inner strength to approach challenges with persistence and believe in their ability to grow.
As parents, one of the most powerful messages we can communicate is: I believe you can do hard things. That doesn’t mean minimizing emotions or stepping away from support. It means helping our daughters see challenge as something they can move through, not something to fear.
You may see this during exam periods, busy seasons, difficult projects, or moments of personal growth. Those experiences can become opportunities to build resilience, independence, and self-belief that extend far beyond school.
Further Reading & Resources
